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There once was a fellar called Kelly.
Who was always on Saturday night telly.
But he touched a boys ring.
Just like Jonathon king.
So the telly gave Kelly the welly.

A footballer once broke his foot
and spoiled his chances to shoot
He rested a while
and gambled in style
with a hooker sucking his root.

Dave Gilmour Aberdeen

Poor Wayne Rooney's future was blighted
When a hooker got him all exited.
Girl friend left in discussed
Then came back in a rush.
When he signed for Manchester United

George Best once was dapper and snaz.
The best sportsman that Ireland has.
But the booze brought him down.
And now he can be found.
In the shed with a box of Shiraz.

Jamie Theakston could not have been cuter
The kids looked to him as a tutor
Then he let it all go
When he slept with a Pro
And sniffed five grams of coke up his hooter.

Dirty Den must be every ones bet.
As the biggest East Enders star yet.
Then one day between takes.
He made the mistake.
Of e-mailing his cock to the net

Now the threat of a war it is looming
Cos G W Bush is still fuming.
That he can't get his man from the old Talliban.
So he's just gonna blow the shit out of Baghdad instead.

Bob Geldof got all our hearts ringing
For Live Aid the whole world was singing
And now for G8
He is every ones mate
But the ugly cunt’s still fuckin minging.

So you think my rhymes are shite, do ya?

if you can do better, e-mail em in

and maybe i'll post em ere

Viewers Contributions

ARTHUR DUNN R.I.P

Here lies the body of Arthur Dunn,
He was killed by a gun,
His name was not Dunn, but Wood,
but Wood, would not rhyme with Gun and Dunn would

From Mitch Lewis Yorkshire

Whilst pissed getting into a Taxi

Prince Harry Attacked Paparazzi

But he had to confess

You don't mess with the press

Cos now everyone knows he's a Nazi.

From P Smith Cambridge